This blog has been long time waiting. I have wanted to write my feelings down for a while but I wanted to write it so that I had a good ending, something to learn from and to strengthen my faith.
David took his STEP 3 test to become a doctor in May. He studied really hard for a couple months before. I supported him and let him study a lot and tried to do my part to help him. I tried to be faithful in my relationship with Heavenly Father. We know that we always needs God help and He has promised to help and be with us if we are faithful. I paid my tithing and fast offerings with faith.
While David was doing a rotation in Salt Lake City his test scores came back and he had failed. We were devastated. We cried and were super sad. We were at a loss of what is next, what does the future have for him now. He wanted to go into sports medicine and we didn't know if he could get a fellowship with a failed score. This means that he has to take it again. He has to pay for it again and he has to study for it again. This means that I have to take a huge burden off him so that he can study. It means I can't ask him to help with life and can't expect him to be at activities. It means I have to find a way to have money to pay for it. We were devastated.
David was down for the day but the next day he signed up for the test again. He scheduled it for two months away. He started to look for different way to study. Different books to use. Different videos to help. He knew he needed a different plan.
He and I both started to really look at our relationship with our Heavenly Father. We are faithful to our religion and do go things, but we had not put any more effort into our relationship with our Heavenly Father. He thought that he was too busy to read his scriptures because he needed to study. He thought he was too busy to do his calling because he had to work and study. He thought he was too busy to to his home teaching because he had to work and study. When we were thrown at the bottom of a pit with a failed score... all of those lessons about putting God first and He will help you echoed in that whole. He knew that really didn't believe that because he didn't act that way. He didn't try that at all. He didn't put God first to ask for help... to seek for his guidance.
David started waking up at 5:00 to study his scriptures for 30 minutes. He made sure that he was at his calling on Tuesday nights. He did his best to have 100% home teaching each month. He was truly humbled before the Lord and was seeking His help. He was proving the Lord to help him if he really put Him first.
I learned a lot too. I thought that I could coast through and the Lord would bless us when we needed it. I thought if I crossed all of my T"s and dotted my I's that that was enough to merit help from the Lord. That is not the case. He requires sacrifice and work to get to know Him, to come unto Him. It should stretch me and I wasn't being stretched, I was coasting. After David failed I really went through a mourning process. I didn't realize that I was but I was. I was sad and I couldn't talk to David about it because I didn't want him to feel bad and he can't fix it. I didn't talk to my friends because they didn't ask and they wouldn't understand. I was grateful for my supportive family that I could cry to. I was sad, I was mad. I was upset with myself, I was frustrated with David, I was mad at the situation, I was mad that we had to go through this again. Every lesson in church meant something to me. It effected me in different ways. I thought for sure that he was going to pass because we are good, honest hardworking people... but no.
As the time went on that David was studying he and I started to go on walks and I would quiz him. We loved this time together because I didn't get to see him much this was a way I could help and be with him. He took practice exams and still didn't do very well.
As the day of the test came, David was feeling confident, but only in having the Lord help him this time. He only failed the test by 6 points so he knew that he needed to improve each section by only 1 test, but sometimes, even doing this is difficult.
Test day was here and Eliza and I and my family fasted for him. I told my family that we needed real faith in the fast, not just the motions. We needed the Lord more than anything and we really needed the real faith required.
As David took the test he felt more confident. He finished much earlier in each section than he did on his first try. He read faster, he could go back over his questions of that sections when before when the time ended he had 5-8 questions still left unanswered. As the test continued, in between each section he would pray and ask for Heavenly Father's help again on the next section. On one particular section he finished a few minutes early and instead of going back over some questions he wasn't sure of, he thanked Heavenly Father for helping him so far. He was so humble and faithful. What a difference that is?!
The test is 2 days long 8 hours each day. It is a difficult test and requires endurance.
3 weeks later David was on a rotation in Provo, UT and his test scores were ready. He called me and didn't look at them. I waited all day in near tears. I didn't know what to do. I was dieing inside. While I was on the phone with him, he was debating about looking at the score, knowing that if he failed again that it would ruin his day and that he still had a few patients, he didn't want to look.
While he was talking and ambling on... I logged into his account and looked at the score.
He had PASSED. He had improved his score by 23 points!!!! 23 points!!! that is great. His score still wasn't stellar and above average or anything shining, but he had passed and passed with flying colors. I started crying. Everything I had been feeling, sad, frustrated, scared, weak, humble,,,, all came back to the Lord. I got on my knees that minute and thanked Heavenly Father for helping David.
Now I don't know what is going to happen with David and his career but I do know that we have learned that we have to put God first.... actually put Him first in our lives for Him to help us. It is isn't just a good thought or a nice idea... or we tried... we have to DO it.
David has had a handful of interviews for fellowship in sports medicine. We feel extremely blessed. I don't want to forget this experience and the things and our little family has gone through.